If I think about how many possibilities of death and heavy problems I managed to escape, I am so grateful for the life I have now. I write this after recently survived a typhus without being hospitalized. Lucky me, as I’ve always been most of the times. Many of my friends can’t make it until today because of sick or accidents, others live in despair because of the inescapable shits they created. I will be 25 years old in less than 10 hours, and even though I haven’t acquired material possessions I desired and felt fulfilled with my career or education, I can say that I am pretty happy with the person I am today. Life is a real luxury I never asked for, yet it has given me so much.
Before experiencing this state of acceptance, I was so unhappy because I constantly compared myself to my friends on social media. I felt envy to many who have been graduated from university, who already started a family in an early age, who already had cute kids to love and play with, who studied abroad, who are smarter than me. I was envy to those who made better jobs and income, to the vacations and business trips they updated on my social media feeds, to A-list dress and makeups they wore. I was so furious to see how other people living their lives. I hated myself for not being able to hold their standard of living.
I only stopped after realizing there are hidden process and things I can’t see behind all of the wonderful updates I saw on my social media. Not all of them are entirely true, sometimes people made up stories. They always retouched and heavily curated the images before presenting them in social media, even those with hashtag statements: #nofilter #noedit. All the picture perfect family they reflected must be not that perfect, because people are difficult most of the times and relationship is no easy. Others must work really hard for all the good things they got, by sacrificing their personal freedom and time. Only God knows how many sleepless nights, anti-depressants and drugs they take to help them soothe the problems. It’s not fair if I got jealous just because of pictures they presented, moreover when I didn’t really work hard to achieve the similar output.
I also stopped being envy to people too much because I realized that after all the shits happened to me for the past 25 years of living, I am still alive and doing okay. In fact I became a much better and mature person from who I’ve ever had. I handled and approached problems in a better way, I listened to people more, I became more patience to deal with all the form of insanity in my society, I tried to be more kind and understandable to people who were closed-minded and intolerant, I forgave a lot, I could connect with different kind of people from various backgrounds which helped me understanding more about reality of life. I rented my own space and moved out from house 2 months ago, I got back my independence. I understood English well which enabled me to grasp unlimited source of information to enhance my knowledge, I learned French which gave me a beautiful identity and made myself feel more feminine. I am content of the life I have, because I own it. No one will do my life for me. I am responsible for who I am, what I feel and what I will become.
Thank God and the universe that tomorrow I will be 25 with feeling good about it. No cakes needed, no surprises are required. All I need is love to myself and for her to be ready for whatever life will give.